She said goodbye to me in her notes without caring at all, but I could not make my mind up to not seeing her again.

The next day, I told her that she was confusing her life, that she was not on the right track. Although this nonsense is applicable to all human beings, without exception.

What else. Yes. I told her that she lived tired, that she had not just had any stable relationship, that writing to live was not true, that she neither lived nor wrote. That she acted as if she didn’t want a relationship. That from so much killing time, time would soon end her.

You wrote that farewell copied from a song. But your colleague calls you and calls you, she talks to you and you pretend to listen. She has told you that change is unpredictable (and things like that) and you think what are you doing here.

She told you that two years is the time limit for your relationship to disappear. However, somewhere in you, you know that perhaps your relationship is long overdue. Now your feelings are a merry-go-round. You spend time smoking, drinking and with those gadgets that you like to keep an eye on. You can’t get rid of it. Now you are lucky enough to give them exclusivity and to give up writing. You no longer think if it is convenient for you to continue with that relationship.

You see in your son behavior similar to yours. Yes, you also often get angry with him, although you know that you should avoid it. You have not told anyone about the laziness that life sometimes gives you, nor that sometimes you find yourself in the middle of a decision already made, knowing that it was wrong, although the other alternative too.

You repeat more and more some ideas that are beginning to seem like mantras. That this is starting to raise the temperature and that you have to find a way out.

You know that everything on this side seems deformed, even if you have a vague idea that it was you who did it and that, when the time comes, no one will come to collect your remains. You want to go to the movies and have a paella. You need love even if you don’t know how to dance. And, above all, you do not want to go to the galleys to row. But you don’t want complications and you prefer to watch Netflix, take the first thing you find, and you end up convincing yourself that you don’t need love or dance. You keep giving up, you keep rowing.